This may seem like an insurmountable feat along the same lines as making a soufflé or listening to someone talk sincerely about Kimye’s relationship. But it can be done, if you follow these official how-to steps.
Step 1: Begin with a fitted sheet. This may seem obvious, but many times the act of folding a fitted sheet is derailed because one is actually trying to fold a McFish Bite™.
Step 2: Take the two lower corners and bring them together. Don’t be discouraged by the fact that fitted sheets do not have corners. It should look like this:
Step 3 : Then take the two upper corners and mash them around a bit. It should look like this:
Step 4: Kick at it for a little bit. Let it know who’s the boss. Tony Danza obvs.
Step 5: Okay so that didn’t work. Punch a wall. Seriously. It will make you feel better. Now start over.
Step 6: This time fold one upper corner and one lower corner. How do you know which one is which? That is a really good question.
Step 7: Just keep folding until it looks less like a mushroom cap and more like a wrinkled pantsuit.
Step 8: Flatten it with a heavy book.
Step 9: Remove the book.
Step 10: Stuff the wadded mess underneath a pile of other sheets in the deep recesses of your closet.
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I knew I was missing a couple steps in there. Thanks!!
The constant folding and mashing is really key.
Oh, thank God!
Just doing my job.
I would like to write “How to remove eye boogers.”
I was hoping you would say that.
-applauds wildly- This blog changed my life!
I’m so, so sorry.
You’re supposed to fold them?
I have one set of sheets for each bed. I wash them before changing the beds just so that I do not have to fold them. When anyone pukes we buy new mattresses.
I like your solution to the fitted sheet conundrum.
Need a mattress?
So I’ve been doing it right all along.
You are the Tony Danza to my Judith Light.
I found an even better way. It’s a simple three-step process.
1. Ball the sheet up
2. Leave on wife’s pillow
3. Have her deal with it.
My only problem is I don’t have a wife. Maybe I could leave it for the neighbor?
Absolutely. Remember, most women recognize that it is their civic duty to do tasks like folding laundry.
I believe the skill is tied directly to the presence of fallopian tubes.
I thought sheets were disposable. Huh. I really learned something here today.
The more you know…
Yeah, that is pretty much how I do it.
Sometimes I like to spice things up by using a different book.
Speaker7,
With these instructions, and Byronic Man’s video on the same topic posted a few months ago, I have no reason to not let my kids do it for me, as I will never, ever succeed at doing it right…
Le Clown
Le Clown,
What other reason is there to have children if not to do all the housework?
TOHTB
TOHTB,
Make money off the internet?
Le Clown
Le Clown,
We should also consider child stardom. Child stars turn out really, really well for the most part.
TOHTB
TOHTB,
I have a poster of Honey Boo Boo on top of our bed. We have been sleeping better since then.
Le Clown
This is genius. If I’d known this I would have saved myself literally years of agony. One thing though – I don’t own David Copperfield – is this compulsory in the flattening process, or can I use any hefty tome of Victorian classic literary merit?
Hmm…I think any Victorian classic will do or Harry Potter. They’re pretty thick.
Revolutionary.
Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of fitted sheets.
Anne? Is that YOU?
No, but when I “successfully” folded the sheet, I whispered “It came true” so maybe I am Anne.
I just throw out my fitted sheets and buy new ones each time.
I wish I could add as an addendum to every post “Here’s what Jen and Tonic would do” because you truly are an inspiration.
I need WWJTD bracelets. If Jesus gets one, I surely should.
I would so wear your bracelet.
Is it just me, or did the sheet just magically fold itself into an acceptable phase of completion considering it’s progress at the end? If you accomplished the result with those steps, then you are truely a master.
No, the regular sheet is the folded one. The fitted sheet is hidden underneath it. It’s total subterfuge just like all of Martha Stewart’s creations.
OH COME ON!
Also, that is like one of my pet peeves. I would throw away all the mother-****ing fitted sheets if they weren’t so AWESOME when finally on the bed. Eh.
A few other commenters had the genius idea of just throwing out the fitted sheets once dirty so as to not deal with the folding nightmare.
Brilliant.
My husband has the genius idea that if you always just use one sheet set and wash it and put it right back on, you will never, ever have to fold a fitted sheet. Okay, I know, it’s a pretty out-there concept to embrace, but I believe he is changing lives.
He should go on the motivational speaker circuit or at least do a ShamWow-style infomercial.
I knew there was a lot of corners but I’d missed the part about the wall-punching and the heavy book. A comic book just doesn’t cut it.
No. Not unless it’s a compllation of all the Archies or Garfields. Those can be pretty thick and not the slightest bit repetitive.
Compilations! I totally forgot about those. I’m going to route through my kids bookcases now and see if they have any. Laundry is on and I know I have to tackle the fitted beast soon enough.
Incidentally, how do you hang a fitted sheet onto a dry rack? And please don’t tell me to go and buy a dryer!
The best course of action is to fold the dry rack first and then mash the fitted sheet around it and then stick all of it into a dryer.
LOL you’re hilarious. Do you KNOW how many times I’ve struggled with folding a fitted sheet? And peeling an orange? Where were you all my life!
Imagine if you could learn to peel an orange while folding a fitted sheet.
That just blew my mind!
Normally when I need to fold a fitted sheet I just throw it out. But I may give this a whirl one day.
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