How to peel a banana

Step one: When choosing a banana, make sure it isn’t one of those really big ones. They are very difficult to manage, and make quite the mess. I personally like mine on the moderate size, plenty firm and solid, with just a slight spongy texture.

Step two : A banana appreciates a compliment, so make sure you tell it just how perfect it is. In fact, you have never seen a banana quite like it before in your entire life.

Step three: With your fingers, gently peel each layer of skin peel back, until it starts to bear it’s delectable fruit. It might start getting a tad sticky at this point, so keep a towel handy.

Step four: Continue peeling down the entire shaft of the banana. Remember to compliment and thank the banana for this awesome opportunity. Show proper enthusiasm, because banana’s can tell when you are faking it.

Step five: Behold your peeled banana in all its hopefully unblemished glory!

Step six: Gently take your now unsheathed banana and take a big bite. Now,  doesn’t that taste good? Isn’t it smooth and silky? Worth all the effort, I’d say.

Step seven: Unfortunately, this is as much fun as it gets. Keep in mind though, there are many banana’s looking to get peeled out there. Now armed with the proper knowledge, you can peel as many as you like without fear.

How to peel an orange

Merbear of Knocked Over By a Feather felt compelled to write about a serious topic that has been affecting many, many people: the struggle of citrus encapsulation, or SOCE.

Before Merbear submitted her informative post, I had been peeling my oranges with a banana peel because I thought that was its purpose. Now I know more and you can too!


Step one: Check to see how long your nails are. If they are short and nubby, your going to need an extra five minutes, if not longer.

 DSCN1721 (2)

Step 2: Squeeze the orange to check for thickness of the rind. Get a good feel for it. Rub it. Become one with it. Learn the language of citrus.

DSCN1722 (2)

Step 3: Gently place your thumb at the top of the orange. Press firmly, until you smell the delightful aroma of oranges permeate the air. Imagine yourself on a boat by a river…(This process can be used for tangerines as well!)


Step 4: In a quick downward motion, rip the first small piece of orange peel off, and fling it to the side, like the bitch that it is.


Step 5: Repeat


Step 6: Repeat

Step 7: Repeat

Step 8: Re..fuck it, you get the idea.

Step 9: Behold your expertly peeled orange!


  Step 10: Pick all that white shit off of there. Unless you like the white stuff. I don’t.


Step 11: Section it, and enjoy!


Do you want to write a post for The Official How To Blog? You don’t? What’s wrong with you. I really think you should reconsider. It’s so official and a tad how-tooey. 

The Official How To Blog is the one-true source for all information and fruit needs.