The following was submitted by Pieter of Ah Dad. . .
1. Send me an email from the office next door that does not have any document, spreadsheet, meeting schedule or other piece of useful information attach to it. Only use a few cryptic words to make it sound important.
I just think that if you have something to say to me, it might be more appropriate to get of your fat ass and walk the four metres to my office. It will be beneficial to your health. Walking would allow those little red bloods cells to speed up and then you might even burn a calorie or two, which I’m sure the hinges of your fridge will appreciate.
2. Send me a chain letter. You know those mails that you forward to eleven friends to prevent yourself from walking home and getting maimed by a falling ostrich.
First of all, when you’re in the habit of forwarding chain letters, I’m surprised you still have friends. It’s that annoying. Life has taught me: There is no such thing as a free lunch. Let’s put it in perspective, it actually means: There. Is. No. Such. Thing. As. A. Free. Lunch. If you think sending a picture of a crying girl to 11 people will open the heavens and make buckets of cash fall from the sky, well you’re just fucking stupid. And the world doesn’t need to know that.
3. Send me a PowerPoint presentation with pictures of cats.
I hate cats. They’re cunning and deceitful creatures. As kittens they’re all cute and playful. Then they grow up to be bossy, toplofty, pompous and shit–Just like a teenager. As the owner you’re only good enough to feed them, if they allow it. Do this and I will go all chain letter and spam on your mailbox.
4. Send me a reminding email, forty seconds after the first one.
I have a life and my only purpose on earth is NOT to sit and wait for your message. I am sorry that I don’t climax and drop everything when your name pops up in my inbox. I am also sorry that your concept of a reasonable reply time is out of tune with mine. And if you have the balls to enlarge the font of the mail and write the word “reminder” on the top, then well. . . screw you. Delete sequence initiated.
5. Send me a condescending mail with a smiley face.
We are not in kindergarten anymore. Sarcasm is a science, a skill that I have worked on for many years to execute perfectly. How dare you consider that adding a smiley face is enough to hide your initial intention? Reading it gives me an uncontrollable urge to rearrange your face with a frying pan to resemble your chosen emoticon.
There it is. Five easy ways to get my temper thermometer into crimson red by the click of a button. Truth be told I am actually a real fun-loving, nice guy, but again that’s what they said about Dr Jeckyl.
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Fabulous.
I completely agree with number one! and I really hate to get emails that say nothing but “Thank you”. I think that should be implied.
You should sent a reply saying ‘Thank you’ as well and see how long it goes back and forth…
Here’s another way; send me an email congratulating me that I have yet another follower on WordPress who doesn’t likely speak my language and who hasn’t read any of my posts.
I’m shallow, so I don’t mind getting informed of another follower. Bring it on!
Thanks for the tips I will do all 5 LOL
Haha. No you won’t. Changed me mail address!
no you didn’t lol
sh*t. You’re clever. I find that with most woman when I say something they believe me…Not you? Cyborg maybe?
Great list. Can I add : “Always hit the HIGH PRIORITY!!!! EXCLAMATION MARK”?
You may…
You won’t receive cat-based PowerPoints from me. Unless it ways in which they can be destroyed. I can do that. I might do that.
Please send immediately. I will share and stop this cat-spiracy that is eating away at our souls on the web.
Yes. Yes. I could hardly believe it when I saw Grumpy Cat on the news the other morning. I wanted to tear out my own toe nails in rage! Grumpy Cat? No! More like Stinky, Ugly, Self-Righteous, Stupid Cat. I will train my mastiff to eat cats. I will.
It’s like a zombie investation I tell ya!
I KNOW!!””
Love love love! Yes on all this. Tweeting it now.
6.) When someone asks a question to a distribution list that includes the entire company, and one person hits “Reply All”, and every other jack hat that thinks their words really matter hit “Reply All” to tell everyone to NOT hit “Reply All”, until you’ve hit your inbox limit and insanity implosion limit.
Great List
Alrighty then…It happens often I gather…
More often than it should for a company that employs some pretty smart people. Maybe the smart ones are only the ones I associate with, because I never recognize any of the names that try to shut those shit storms down. Then again, maybe I’m one of those Jack Hats and don’t realize it either. Possibly a matter of perception.
No I doubt it. Stupid people might as well wear signs around their necks, because they eventually show their true selves in the most bizarre situations.
Reblogged this on Just about me… and commented:
Enjoyed this and thought I would try some of the other buttons on these things…
Yes. Read reply requested pisses me off, too. If it’s so f*cking important that you want to know the second I’ve read your email – pick up the PHONE and call me.
Read replies are mostly used by people referred to in point 1.
Sign me up for number 3.
We should form a network to eradicate all possible cat pics and gifs from the web. And then get a cool name for ourselves, like the Cat-Haters-Action-Team or CHAT for short.
Oh, sorry.
I meant I love #3.
Maybe I should have specified.
*backs away slowly*
Well, this is a good topics to be read by an idiots like you all…Tanxs.
There’s only one thing that can be said about this post ….”HAHAHAHAHA…It’s hilarious!” Great blog
Thanks for the great compliment, like the cliff hanger comment. I’m late, I know.
I love the chain email accompanied by the disclaimer, “I don’t know if this works, but it can’t hurt!” The hell it can’t. A good punch to the throat ought to hurt enough to make that the last email chain letter you usher to MY inbox.
I like to send emails that just say “funicular”
Great read haha
Agreed! Sarcasm should never be apologized for, explained, beribboned or made to wear lipstick. Sarcasm should be allowed to come in and hang out among us without fear of retaliation.
This post was absolutely hilarious. Chain emails are annoying and I hate when people send me an email when they’re right across the aisle. I also hate getting those reminders. IT’s even worse when the reminder comes AFTER the appointment/meeting. I’m so glad to see someone else is as annoyed with all of the nonsense as I am. I may send this post to several of my friends as it could greatly help our relationship if they knew these rules.