Writer’s block is an affliction that affects most writers. Writers who say they never suffer from writer’s block should be pelted with raw hamburger meat and thrown into an alligator pit. When it hits, you can feel anxious, and despair that you will never write anything again. But there are ways to overcome it without sacrificing your sanity in the process. Just follow these helpful steps:
1. Clear your head. Disconnect from all electronic devices. If you weren’t aware, the Internet is an extremely powerful distraction tool. Why, just when I was writing the previous sentence, I posted three status updates to Facebook, tweeted my 30-second trick to reduce belly fat, and watched a drunk kitten video on youtube. So what are we talking about? Um….
2. Oh, right! Writer’s block. Yes, so clear your head and disconnect from all electronic—just a sec…I’m getting a text…. “Wednesday, more like Wineday amirite, ladies” oh my god, I’m totally LOLing right now. I’m LOLing so much I’m PALOLing. That stands for Peeing And Laughing Out Loud. What should I write back? Fuck! That’s right I have writer’s block. . . I’ve got nothing. If only there was some way to overcome writer’s block. . .
3. Did you know happyplace.com does these “If Game of Thrones Took Place on Facebook” recaps? They are awesome. And a quick read…wait! I’ve been on the internet for 10 hours?!? What day is it? Is it still Wineday?
4. Okay…okay. We are totally focusing right now and by “We” I mean, me and that marble that keeps rolling around inside my head. It is very distracting. Before I continue with the steps, I’m going to quickly hop onto medlineplus.com, type in my symptoms and diagnose myself with cancer. Hm…it turns out I have writer’s block. If only there was some way to overcome writer’s block. . .
5. I should eat something. I’ve had six cups of coffee in the last 30 seconds and just did the cinnamon stick challenge–a tweak of the dangerous cinnamon challenge–for a youtube video. I’m a little jumpy, and why the fuck has no one liked my status update on Facebook?!? I guess no one wants world hunger to end. That’s on you “friend.” People are so fucking selfish. Repost if you agree.
6. What is this list?
7. I actually went back and reread what I wrote to figure out what I’m writing. It took three hours because I had to help a “friend” harvest her goddamn tomatoes on her fake, fucking FarmVille farm. So, writer’s block . . . there are ways to overcome it. The first thing you should do is disconnect from all distractions like phones and computers–wait a sec. . . How could the tomatoes have died?!?!?!?
8. I’ll finish this later…Dance Moms is on.
The Official How To Blog 
I am also PALOLing right now!!
The best way to dampen the sound is a towel.
Thanks, too late now.
Well… I think this has unwillingly become a How to Successfully Derail a Topic post. Not a complete loss!
Thank you for trying to make something out of this jumbled mess.
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I hate writers block. This was very helpful, in a distracting way.
Thank you for helping to end world hunger. That’s what we’re doing here, right?
I thought this was an online support group for spontaneous flatulence?
I don’t have a lot of electronics so i don’t have these sorts of oh look, a bouncy red ball!! I still thought this was touching. I’m sorry you lost your mother at such a young age.
Crap, that was a different persons post. What was yours about again? I think it made me laugh whatever it was.
I’m sorry about your crapping problems. Wait…is that what you wrote? I saw a dust bunny skitter across the floor and kind of lost my train of thought.
Instead of writing, I think from now on I’ll just read this blog. Also, both my corn and cannabis crops have died, thanks a lot.
You can grow weed in Farmville? Man, I need another facebook account. I too will just read this blog instead of writing. That’s a good plan there.
Oh yeah! Growing fake weed crops is the only reason I’m on Facebook.
I told you not to spend all your coins on Munchos.
I know you have a camera right here monitoring me while I am fighting writers block. You have described my every move. I’m going to find that camera if it is the last thing I do and then I will get back to writing.
Do not look in the ceiling…er…I mean, what are you talking about?!?
I refer to it as writer’s constipation. It sounds much more demeaning that way.
Does metamucil work for this problem?
Nope. Alcohol.
“I guess no one wants world hunger to end.” The best!
I am extremely altruistic as evident from all my facebook chain letters.
#5 PALOL. For real.
Thanks for clicking “like.” By doing so, you are helping to stop uncontrollable acts of peeing while laughing.
Wait. I’m not sure I want to do that. Soggy pants love company. Isn’t that how the adage goes?
PALOL, too!
Tarp is handy in those instances.
I’m glad I overcame my reader’s block to stop by here today.
Ooh, reader’s block. That is a rough going. What has helped me in the past was removing my hands from my eyes.
Funny….’cause it’s true. 😛
The internet has made it nearly impossible to read or write anything for more than 2–ooh a tweet from Justin Bieber!!
hehehe….you crack me up S7. 😛
I protest, Dance Moms is THE BEST. They are so much how I am with my girls. HEY you little TWIT why didn’t you do that triple back flip right you loser? Do it again while I eat another box of Twinkies here and did I tell you you could have a glass of WATER??? Do you want Kaittlynnn or Lyndzzzie to win well DO YOU?
For this comment, I am putting you at the top of the pyramid.
I agree, this comment pretty much sums up Dance Moms. Now I’ll never have to watch it. Thanks! (I’ve seen the promo and that was enough for me)
I was PALOLing when I read it. Someone needs to overhead page for a cleanup on aisle three. Also now my smart phone is a little soggy.
It’s always a good idea to wrap phones in saran wrap for cases of PALOLing or SALOLing, which I will leave for you to decipher considering your now special relationship with the IBS movement.
LOL ! Which aisle has the Charmin?
I haven’t quite worked out if I want to remember this post for when I do have writers block or when I don’t? hmmm
I think “don’t” is the best course of action.
I avoided writing a post by reading this one. You are complicit in my writer’s block.
You’re welcome. When are you going to write for this blog, btw?
Whenever you want me to. Just say, “Hey, noob, here’s a topic. Words on paper. Due date.”
For realz?!? I feel you can write about anything. How to break dance. How to avoid punching people in the face. How to punch people in the face without being arrested. How to pose for a glamour shot. How to sell your organs in exchange for markers. The list is endless. I will ponder this glorious opportunity.
It’s evident from the urination induced by your commenters that you could get Poise Pads to be your sponsor for this 8 step program.
Unrelated: I thought of you when I saw this:
http://editor.ne16.com/vo/?MailID=26525333&m=5af99528-e989-4fd5-a3b5-cf299b046fef
I don’t know whether to feel flattered or dejected. You do think I look like the guy who resembles Squiggy, yes?
Most definitely you do especially when I look at your gravatar with my eyes closed.
I was going to leave a comment earlier, but — this is true — my cat distracted me.
That is a valid excuse.
I would say I know exactly what you mean about writer’s block, but I’ve had the block (blah?) for so long that I no longer qualify as “writer.” I have typer’s block.
I checked the rule book and believe you still qualify as writer for having written this comment and making a solemn pledge to write one post for The Official How To Blog.
…
o___________o
Sorry about that, I couldn’t think what to write. Now I remember:
1) Writer’s block is a complete wanker and the only way to overcome it is to eat. Lots. Of. Toast.
2) There’s a show called DANCEMUMS?????? I think it was you who introduced me to ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ (which, by the way, I would marry if it were a dude), and if you’ve now introduced me to yet ANOTHER piece-of-shite-yet-totally-brilliant-in-its-own-utterly-shite-way-and-I-will-never-do-anything-productive-ever-again TV programme, I am going to KILL you.
Dance Moms is horrifying. It’s bascially a show about a deranged bear with emphysema shouting hoarsely at little kids. Wait–that sounds kinda interesting.
No shit, that sounds AMAZING!!!
I’ve decided I’m going to invent a new time suck: “Barville.” As in, “Oh no! We’ve run out of gin! Please help us order a new shipment before Happy Hour begins!” That ought to set me up for the rest of my life without having to do another productive thing ever.
I would like to invest in “Barville.” How does one do that?
Dude, everyday is Wineday.
For sure. Wait…is Wineday today?!?
and it’s after 5!
I work online, I blog online, I play online, I listen to music online, I…….
I’m losing brain cells faster than Honey BooBoo houses hot dogs. Someone help…
It’s a beautiful vicious cycle, isn’t it?
All you have to do is–wait! Honey Boo Boo is eating a hot dog on TV. What were we talking about again?
OMG, this is so hilariously and frighteningly accurate! Drunk kittens and six cups of coffee. Yep and yep!
I feel the caffeine is sufficiently balanced out by the drunkeness of the kitty.
So where are the cut-price sprouts?
What the fuck am I doing here anyway… and where is here?
I think this is a blog. Let me check twitter and get back to you in four days.
This cursor to the left was flashing for about 10min before I typed anything in here.
The curser was flashing for about 2 hours before I replied, but then again The Real Housewives of Orange County was on so I was pretty busy.
No matter your symptoms, the web will always tell you it’s cancer. Always.
My tip to overcoming writer’s block is the opposite of yours…I find the internet gives me great ideas of things to write about that are ridiculous. My last post is an example of that. It’s about a 75 year-old pimp who was arrested for running a prostitution ring in a retirement community in New Jersey.
A 75 YEAR OLD PIMP, PEOPLE! You can’t make that crap up. And just like that, my post was born. I’m telling you, the interwebs is where it’s at for writer’s block. And for porn. But you already knew that.
In case you want to learn about the 75 year old pimp (of course you do), here is the link. Sterilize yourself after reading.
http://lisanewlin.com/2013/05/brittle-bones-and-a-75-year-old-pimp/
And here most people think a second career in retirement is impossible.
Exactly! And he gets to work from home, and probably doesn’t even have to wear pants. It’s a win-win.
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interesting piece and interesting bunch of people in here, i still have writers block though.lol
Writer’s block is the worst! This is really helpful 🙂