How to Overcome Writer’s Block

Writer’s block is an affliction that affects most writers. Writers who say they never suffer from writer’s block should be pelted with raw hamburger meat and thrown into an alligator pit. When it hits, you can feel anxious, and despair that you will never write anything again. But there are ways to overcome it without sacrificing your sanity in the process. Just follow these helpful steps:

1. Clear your head. Disconnect from all electronic devices. If you weren’t aware, the Internet is an extremely powerful distraction tool. Why, just when I was writing the previous sentence, I posted three status updates to Facebook, tweeted my 30-second trick to reduce belly fat, and watched a drunk kitten video on youtube. So what are we talking about? Um….

2. Oh, right! Writer’s block. Yes, so clear your head and disconnect from all electronic—just a sec…I’m getting a text…. “Wednesday, more like Wineday amirite, ladies” oh my god, I’m totally LOLing right now. I’m LOLing so much I’m PALOLing. That stands for Peeing And Laughing Out Loud. What should I write back? Fuck! That’s right I have writer’s block. . . I’ve got nothing. If only there was some way to overcome writer’s block. . .

3. Did you know happyplace.com does these “If Game of Thrones Took Place on Facebook” recaps? They are awesome. And a quick read…wait! I’ve been on the internet for 10 hours?!? What day is it? Is it still Wineday?

4. Okay…okay. We are totally focusing right now and by “We” I mean, me and that marble that keeps rolling around inside my head. It is very distracting. Before I continue with the steps, I’m going to quickly hop onto medlineplus.com, type in my symptoms and diagnose myself with cancer. Hm…it turns out I have writer’s block. If only there was some way to overcome writer’s block. . .

5. I should eat something. I’ve had six cups of coffee in the last 30 seconds and just did the cinnamon stick challenge–a tweak of the dangerous cinnamon challenge–for a youtube video. I’m a little jumpy, and why the fuck has no one liked my status update on Facebook?!? I guess no one wants world hunger to end. That’s on you “friend.” People are so fucking selfish. Repost if you agree.

6. What is this list?

7. I actually went back and reread what I wrote to figure out what I’m writing. It took three hours because I had to help a “friend” harvest her goddamn tomatoes on her fake, fucking FarmVille farm. So, writer’s block . . . there are ways to overcome it. The first thing you should do is disconnect from all distractions like phones and computers–wait a sec. . . How could the tomatoes have died?!?!?!?

8. I’ll finish this later…Dance Moms is on.

dancemoms

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76 thoughts on “How to Overcome Writer’s Block

  1. Pingback: A Treatise on…uh….. | Speaker7

  2. I don’t have a lot of electronics so i don’t have these sorts of oh look, a bouncy red ball!! I still thought this was touching. I’m sorry you lost your mother at such a young age.

    Crap, that was a different persons post. What was yours about again? I think it made me laugh whatever it was.

    • I’m sorry about your crapping problems. Wait…is that what you wrote? I saw a dust bunny skitter across the floor and kind of lost my train of thought.

  3. I know you have a camera right here monitoring me while I am fighting writers block. You have described my every move. I’m going to find that camera if it is the last thing I do and then I will get back to writing.

  4. I protest, Dance Moms is THE BEST. They are so much how I am with my girls. HEY you little TWIT why didn’t you do that triple back flip right you loser? Do it again while I eat another box of Twinkies here and did I tell you you could have a glass of WATER??? Do you want Kaittlynnn or Lyndzzzie to win well DO YOU?

      • For realz?!? I feel you can write about anything. How to break dance. How to avoid punching people in the face. How to punch people in the face without being arrested. How to pose for a glamour shot. How to sell your organs in exchange for markers. The list is endless. I will ponder this glorious opportunity.

  5. I would say I know exactly what you mean about writer’s block, but I’ve had the block (blah?) for so long that I no longer qualify as “writer.” I have typer’s block.

    • I checked the rule book and believe you still qualify as writer for having written this comment and making a solemn pledge to write one post for The Official How To Blog.

  6. Sorry about that, I couldn’t think what to write. Now I remember:
    1) Writer’s block is a complete wanker and the only way to overcome it is to eat. Lots. Of. Toast.
    2) There’s a show called DANCEMUMS?????? I think it was you who introduced me to ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ (which, by the way, I would marry if it were a dude), and if you’ve now introduced me to yet ANOTHER piece-of-shite-yet-totally-brilliant-in-its-own-utterly-shite-way-and-I-will-never-do-anything-productive-ever-again TV programme, I am going to KILL you.

  7. I’ve decided I’m going to invent a new time suck: “Barville.” As in, “Oh no! We’ve run out of gin! Please help us order a new shipment before Happy Hour begins!” That ought to set me up for the rest of my life without having to do another productive thing ever.

  8. No matter your symptoms, the web will always tell you it’s cancer. Always.

    My tip to overcoming writer’s block is the opposite of yours…I find the internet gives me great ideas of things to write about that are ridiculous. My last post is an example of that. It’s about a 75 year-old pimp who was arrested for running a prostitution ring in a retirement community in New Jersey.

    A 75 YEAR OLD PIMP, PEOPLE! You can’t make that crap up. And just like that, my post was born. I’m telling you, the interwebs is where it’s at for writer’s block. And for porn. But you already knew that.

    In case you want to learn about the 75 year old pimp (of course you do), here is the link. Sterilize yourself after reading.

    http://lisanewlin.com/2013/05/brittle-bones-and-a-75-year-old-pimp/

  9. Pingback: Get in With Interactive Online Discussions | Mogul Review

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