How to Tell if Your New Followers Are Real or Not.

You may have noticed an uptick in new followers recently. This may have led to such thinking like:

“I have finally arrived.”

“That book deal is just around the corner.”

“Maybe I don’t need that job that pays all the bills?”

This is erroneous thinking–except in my case. Seriously, you should see the number of followers I have now, and I haven’t even written anything. People are really starting to get into what I’m writing, or in this instance, not writing. I have arrived, world!

But let’s get back to you. Your new followers. There’s a good chance they are not real. How can you tell?

This is why this blog exists, and why you’re following it, like all those other real followers who began following in the last few weeks. Follow these steps to determine if you’ve found a new loyal reader or soul-crushing robot bent on your complete annhilation.

1. The Blog Name

Sometimes you can determine real from fake simply by looking at the name of your new follower. Does it appear to have multiple consonants and strange characters like Zzzz*23ÖΦ¢zzzz? As far as I am aware, that is not the name of a human being. There are parents out there who live to give their children a unique (or you-neek) name so their children can forever be haunted by mispronounciations. For instance, I have seen this spelling for Jane: “Gn♥.” But Zzzz*23ÖΦ¢zzzz has yet to catch on.

Well then, you may be thinking: “Could my latest reader be a cat that has its own blog?”

Possibly, but cats are normally unreliable followers, and it’s best to avoid their overtures of friendship. Don’t kid yourself, if a cat has a blog, it wants something from you.

So what if your new follower has an actual name like my most recent follower: onlinedegreeonlinedegrees? I am suspecting that this may be some woman in her mid-40s writing about her personal journey toward learning how to play the saxophone or it could a diploma mill that offers bogus degrees.

When you’re uncertain the next step is to look at your new follower’s gravatar.

2. The Gravatar

Most people choose a gravatar that expresses a statement about their blog, like my gravatar of a nail being hammered into a brain. I’m saying “Ow. Knowledge hurts so let’s never learn.” Examine your new follower’s gravatar. Does it give off this kind of vibe?


Then it is likely fake.

Some savvy spammers will use a picture of a human being to give the appearance of possessing an actual soul and conscience. Like so:


Or it could resemble that tribal tattoo you got after a night of binge-drinking green beer with a weight-loss supplement that causes anal leakage.

Don't click on this. It likely has hepatitis.

Don’t click on this. It likely has hepatitis.

If you’re still unsure, then the next step is looking at the actual blog.

3. The Actual Blog

You’re sorry you did this. Yeah, me too. I noticed my computer has been acting funny. It’s requesting my social security number every time I launch Firefox, but if that’s what it takes, right?

A good indication that your new best bud is fake is your best bud’s blog doesn’t exist:

Did your one day of following me mean anything!?! I feel so used!!!

Did your one day of following me mean anything!?! I feel so used!!!

Or it appears to have little content:

Well, hello back at ya!

Well, hallo back at ya!

If only I could find a company family chicken dinner recipe somewhere...

If only I could find a company family chicken dinner recipe somewhere…

Or it appears to be a giant commercial for everything you’ve never wanted:

Hmm...seems legit enough. Sign me up, new friend!

Hmm…seems legit enough. Sign me up, new friend!

Uh...I'm sorry, you look exactly like a new follower of mine. Do you know iLoans, perchance?

Uh…I’m sorry, you look exactly like a new follower of mine. Do you know iloansdirect, perchance?

If you’re still unsure then the next step is to look at your new reader’s interaction with your blog.

4. Your follower’s interaction with you.

Does it look like this?


The barren blog landscape.

Then likely your new follower is following in incomprehensible name only.

True, 95 percent of your new readership was probably created in a dank cellar in some dark corner of the world, but keep in mind that only 10 percent of your followers actually read you anyway. And, boy, are your stats looking pretty dynamite right now.


Unlike the majority of your new readership, the Official How To Blog is maintained by an actual human being. That makes you desperate to write for it, right?

The Official How To Blog is your one true source of all information and anal-leakage needs.

126 thoughts on “How to Tell if Your New Followers Are Real or Not.

  1. That’s what’s f’in’ up my computer? I thought it was slamming my head against the keyboard when I realize that the 300 new followers is a scam.

  2. The trick is to ignore the fact that most of your followers are fake and post a screen shot of your stats on FaceBook: “Look I have X number of followers now!” They won’t know the difference.

    And now they believe ‘this writing thing’ I’ve been wanting to do my whole life is finally paying off. (I’m living a lie.)

  3. When I first started blogging, I would get comments that I swore were from an ESL (English as a second language) student: “Your blog is very much enjoyable and precise.” Turns out no one from China was reading me. Spammers.

    • Thank you. This comment will help the internet viewers for building up new readers or even weblog from start to finish. I enjoy your layout of pages much very.

  4. All my imaginary subscribers looking for increased traffic to their imaginary blogs will get lots of increased traffic from my new imaginary subscribers looking for increased traffic to their imaginary blogs.

  5. So, like, I think I’m real. I’m not sure tho cos my avatar is apparently a picture of my neck and shoulder rather than my face – so no way of proving that…

    ..btw. are you interested in the latest cure for everything? Offering good rates!

  6. Everyone is talking about this. I’ve had about five of these new fake followers in the past month. No content in the blog it links back to or the content is disjointed and random. I got over the WordPress “follower” thing a while back and realized that there are more people outside of WordPress following my blog (and I love all of them dearly, except the fakes). I’m also getting SPAM from fake Facebook accounts on my blog (no friends, no information, just stupid messages).

    Good article. Hope you don’t mind if I share it.

  7. Pingback: How to Tell if Your New Followers Are Real or Not. | West Coast Review

  8. “This content on this bog site is exactley what I was looking for! Your site is very good write and has the information that one needs to be known…” is what I would say if I was dirty blog bot. I have stopped worrying too much about followers and watch my view counts. Granted those are still very low but we have not completely worked out our details yet.

  9. Has the WP reader always had that “you may like” sidebar? I first started noticing it around the same time I started getting an influx of followers, and I think it might be responsible for both the human-spammer follows (you know, blogs that exist but are full of SEO tips or whatever) and actual new followers.

  10. Dang – and I was getting so close to that next little picture of a trophy in the orange box. Now you are telling me that stats are meaningless – what is this world coming to?

  11. I’m so new here they haven’t found me yet, maybe they’re prejudiced about people living at the bottom of the world.

  12. Let’s do some number crunching. Based on my number of followers versus the number of hits I get on a post, minus the number of those hits that are actually intentional and not someone expecting an email of kiddie porn and conviently spotting Childhhod Relived in his inbox for example, divided by the number of people who can also name all Eight is Enough kids and are therefore worth my time writing for, I’ve determined I have approximately negative 15 followers who are not spambots.

  13. I don’t care enough to check out all my new followers one by one. And for those who don’t read? Well, I don’t give much of a shit about that either. I don’t write for them, I write because I have something to say.

  14. I had been noticing an uptick in spam messages on my blog, but I consider it par for the course. You just need to be careful and monitor your comments to allow in real people. It takes more time, but I feel that you have a better return on followers. BTW…I AM real. LOL

    Nice article. I’m glad I stopped by your blog. 🙂

  15. I don’t care where the increased readership comes from as long as they say such heart-warming words as:

    1. The ND Computer Repair Center is a fee-for-service fix up mastery available to Notre Dame faculty;
    2. Simply discovered this internet thru Yahoo, precisely what a means to brighten up my month!
    3. louis vuitton handbags for sale…
    4. Thank you for another superb article belivesothate.

  16. Please don’t think I’m a lame follower-in-fake-name only. To prove it, let me just say, “I find you very talented in using (multiple times) the phrase ‘anal leakage’.”

  17. It’s a whole science this… I’ve noticed that when I attach certain tags, like ‘art’ it generates “spam likes”.
    Now if only I understood the motivation behind 99% of the spam I get…! Have you written anything on that yet?

  18. funny funny. are you and the speaker 7 the same person? If so, please read my piece on “Oprah and her Sheets on my blog.” I think you’ll like it. You and i are alike in funny ways. ~sherri (Im real)

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