How To Become A Better Public Speaker In 7 Steps

Public Speaking University (cover shot)

A lot of people feel anxious and even scared when they are speaking in public.  I know that for a fact because I used to fear public speaking for years myself, until I stopped speaking in public.  But it’s actually not too difficult to overcome your anxiety and become a better speaker if you just follow these 7 steps.

Step 1.  Relax. A well-known way to relax is to imagine that everyone in the audience is naked. If you are a blogger and you don’t have an audience in front of you, feel free to imagine anyone you want.  You know, Robert Pattinson or Megan Fox might be reading your blog right now.


Step 2.  If you are Robert Pattinson or Megan Fox, please stop speaking and interrupting the flow of other people’s imagination.

Step 3.  Follow the example of an ancient Greek orator who had practiced his enunciation by putting pebbles in his mouth and trying to talk as clearly as possible. If your speech doesn’t go well, at least you’ll have a mouthful of excuses.

Step 4.  If imagining naked people does not help, consult with your psychotherapist. You may be suffering from what doctors call “nuduspopuluminauditoriophobia”, also known as a fear of naked people in the audience.

Step 5.  Use the help of your loved one to practice public speaking. Get into an argument with your spouse and remember that doesn’t count as not public speaking, unless your neighbors can hear you.  Hint: a sure way to start a lively argument is to mention how often you imagine Robert Pattinson or Megan Fox reading your blog.

Step 6.  Stop googling “naked people in the audience!”.  Now is not the time to conquer your fears.

Step 7.  When you make your speech, speak clearly, make eye contact, and don’t be afraid to use your hands.  Wait, no, no, that’s not the use of hands that I meant!  Oh God, stop that, please!  Eh… I give up.   At least try not to do THAT when you are speaking in public, and it shouldn’t go too badly.

28 thoughts on “How To Become A Better Public Speaker In 7 Steps

  1. I like Robert’s hair in that picture. It’s like it’s become its own separate entity. I imagine my blog is read by dozens of highly intelligent hamsters. They aren’t naked, though. Don’t be ridiculous.

    • Yes, there is something wrong with his hair, now that you’ve mentioned it. It looks like it’s trying to get away as far as possible from Robert.

      Please don’t refer to me as a hamster. I’m actually a lemming, and I take offense when people peg me as a hamster. And as a lemming, I don’t always follow the blog reader’s dress code for hamsters.

  2. Hahaha! Excellent tips. I’m not going to imagine Robert Pattinson because he scares me. I think he might be an actual vampire. Or a werewolf. Either way, he looks like he wants to eat my soul and I hate his hair.

    • It seems that imagining Robert Pattinson naked has just the opposite effect on you. Try to imagine him fully dressed, ideally wearing a burqa or a paper bag over his head.

  3. Who on earth had the idea to imagine an audience full of naked people. If I wasn’t blushed from being nervous yet about having to speak in public, seeing loads of nudes would certainly make me go pink. *shake of head* Weirdo!

    • It’s supposedly a very famous advice. I don’t know who invented that, but it has to be someone who often makes public speeches, and secretly a sex-crazed pervert, so I’m guessing it was a politician.

  4. Why does Robert Pattison’s hair look so ridiculous? Did he get out of bed that way or was he just given a swirlee in the restroom. He looks like Doc from”Back To The Future.”

    I’ve never had a problem with public speaking so I bring no tips to the table other than maybe to drink heavily beforehand. I don’t see any downside to that suggestion.

    • This look is called “just got out of the bed look”, and Robert probably got it by sleeping for 4 hours in a hair stylist’s chair.
      Your drinking tip is an excellent suggestion. That way, if a speech doesn’t go well, the speaker will have no recollection of the failure.

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