How To Write A Blog: 10 Obligatory Blog Posts Every Blogger Has To Write At Least Once

Today’s guest post is brought to you by the letter X better known as the List of X. To read more about guest posts, see step 6.

I have been reading WordPress blogs for months now, and I have noticed that certain types of blog posts are more common than others. So I thought I’d aggregate these most common blog posts into just one short post for your enjoyment. Alternatively, you can use this post as your blogging guide which will save your valuable time by providing you with the pre-written template blog posts that you can simply copy and paste into your blog.

English: Kim Kardashian at the 2009 Tribeca Fi...

I was planning to write a separate post about 10 most common blog photos, but this woman is in 9 out of 10 of them.

1) Hello, World!  This blog will be a platform for my thoughts about me, myself, my thoughts about myself, and occasionally about _____, _____, what I think about this, and Kim Kardashian. I will write as often as I can, since I usually think daily about different things, I think. See, I’ve just thought again! I better start posting stuff right now!

2) The Day Of Outrage:  I don’t normally get outraged about things, but ______ was outrageous! Did you see how outrageous that was! You didn’t? This is so outrageous that you haven’t seen it yet! You gotta check out just how outrageous this was! See! Told you! Wasn’t it outrageous? Please share your outrage in the comments section, because I’ll be outraged if you don’t!

3) The Away Message:  I apologize, my dear readers, for leaving you without your daily fix of information about me, and temporarily abandoning my blog for almost three hours. I am really sorry that you had to put your life on hold because you did not know what’s going on with my life. But I was busy with things. It’s not like I don’t have a life, you know? Haha. Honestly, I promise to write three times a day from now on. It’s not like I really have a life, you know? Haha.

4) Search Terms Of Endearment:  I have to share the good news with you! I am on Google now! Yes, you can enter something in Google and it will find my blog! Isn’t it cool? And apparently, people enter completely random things and still find my blog! Check out this hilarious search term: ______. Isn’t it hilarious? And what about this: _________? Even more hilarious, right? And this: ___________. What’s up with that?? Hilarious. But you know, seriously, even though all these result are hilarious and all, but the search for “most totally amazing blog ever” doesn’t lead to my blog for some reason. I’m gonna have to call Google because I think there is a problem with their search.

5) The Freshly Pressed Hangover (posted the morning after). Thank you everyone for such thoughtful comments! I have never seen so many thoughtful comments saying “Congrats on being Freshly Pressed” ever! It is so great to be Freshly Pressed! It’s like a total vindication of my life’s work! My blog got so many page views that my computer totally crashed! Well, I was actually jumping for joy, and my foot tripped over the wire and my computer actually crashed! But now that I am a famous blogger, I have bought a bigger and better computer to write bigger and better posts!

6) The Guest Post: This amazing post is brought to you by the amazing blogger named ______ . He/she won’t be writing about me today, which is sad, but I get a day off from my blog, which is good. Please check out his/her work, he/she’s almost as amazing as me. But please read all my amazing posts first! You don’t actually have to read them if you don’t have time, but please click on them at least! Then come back tomorrow and read them! Or just “like’” them.

7) Gems From The Junk Filter:  Check this out! I just found out that WordPress is blocking some of the comments on my blog! These people have been leaving the nicest comments like “this is an excellently wrote post”, or “I have learning so much from this site”, or “your qualification is for among the best blogs of the internet”. Why does WordPress block these comments??? Who are they, grammar Nazis or something???

8) The Traffic Report:  Check out this picture. This is my page views stats. This looks just like Manhattan skyline, doesn’t it? I removed the numbers so you don’t get jealous. At least I was hoped you would get jealous but I wasn’t really sure you would, so I deleted the numbers just in case. And then here is the next month, and it now looks more like New Jersey skyline. And look, here is this month, and it looks just like Nebraska. At least I think it looks like Nebraska, because I flew over it once and from up there Nebraska looked completely flat and sad, just like my recent traffic. Where is my traffic? Why isn’t anyone reading my blog??? I hate Nebraska!!!

9) My Amazing Cat:  My cat is totally amazing. It is so warm and fuzzy and smart. I wish my cat could write a post for my blog. I just know this post would have been so warm and fuzzy and smart that it’s gonna get Freshly Pressed instantly and I would get traffic again. I need traffic! Where is my traffic! Damn you cat! Write the post now!!! And make it warm and fuzzy and smart, damn it!!!

10) The Trends I Am Seeing:  I have been reading blogs for months now, and I have noticed that some types of blog posts are more common than others, so I thought I would aggregate them for your enjoyment and make fun of all of them at once.  Check out the whole amazing post here.

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Do you want to write a how-to about how to love your amazing cat then this is the site for you! Just submit an email request and watch the magic and hairballs happen.

The Official How To Blog is the one-true source for all information and blogging needs.

573 thoughts on “How To Write A Blog: 10 Obligatory Blog Posts Every Blogger Has To Write At Least Once

  1. Oh my….495 comments! I guess I’m 496-and I see why. I love your writing-it is extremely playful and entertaining and I truly enjoyed reading it. I read that you are a mom of 2 (who can’t take a crap by herself) and started this for YOU. As a mom also not taking solitary craps, I can really relate to that. I truly enjoyed your blog. Congrats on the Freshly Pressed-it was well-deserved.

    • Thank you for the compliment! I hate to disappoint you, though, but I am not a mom of 2, more like a dad of no one :) There are several other writers on this blog, and some are moms, and there is at least one mother of 2, as far as I know. And every one of them is deserving of your compliment, and most can surely relate to seeing solitary crap as a luxury.
      Someday, I hope I will, too.

    • Ha ha yes it is a strange world – which after 6 months or so I’m still comparatively new to. No Manhatten skylines yet… one skyscraper but I think that is a bit like thinking the Empire State building is tall until you compare it to that new on in Dubai. Thanks for reminding us not to take ourselves too seriously. One part of blogging I’ve lately stumbled upon are those who must spend all day clicking ‘like’ and subscribing to hundreds of people’s pages just to get traffic back to their own. I guess it is pretty fun – like gambling at the casino with nothing to lose – but is this the only way it works?

      • At least you’ve only been blogging for 6 months and already discovered other blogs: me, I wrote posts for almost a year and a half, blissfully unaware of existence of other blogs at WordPress. And I certainly wasn’t aware that I could like every post on every blog to drive traffic to mine.
        Leaving comments works better – it got me to visit your blog.

    • Then this post probably doesn’t make too much sense to you, if you only read a few blogs so far. Good luck with your blog, and I can see that you already got #1 done :)

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  3. Excellent work! I’ve been seeing a lot of the outrage posts, which, ironically, outrages me.

    Do you think I could write an outrage post about my outrage at outrage posts? (Did you think I could use “outrage” 3 times in one sentence? I’m an overachiever.)

    Lisa Newlin
    Embarrassing myself so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.

    http://lisanewlin.com

  4. Lolz! Guilty of at least 3 of these, including the cat post. But I don’t care, I bloody love my cat. :D

  5. dangit! I’m guilty of 1, 3, and 9:(! Kim K is just soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo purty:/ And my chickens are amazing. i like your blogging skills, how do i follow?

    • Blogging about chickens, that’s not common, especially if it’s not about chicken recipes. Though it seems like your chickens are also warm and fuzzy and… well, not dumb, according to your post :)
      Thank you for your compliment. To follow The Official How To Blog, your how to guide to everything, just click on Follow in the top WordPress menu bar, or look for “How to follow” section just below the right-side brain in the blog header picture.
      Or, if you want to follow my blog, you should click on “List of X” above the comment and click on Follow there. That is, if you are looking for humor on such exciting topics like North Korea, politics, and other news.

  6. Oh man! I will never be able to comply with this list since I do not own a cat :( I’m not even a cat person. Anyway, good thing I stumbled upon this list, now I have enough material to make my “freshly out of the oven” blog to become part of the internet statistics.

    • Becoming an internet statistic is one of my main ambitions, too. Happy to help you achieve the same goal :) Though it would help getting a cat, because I think the whole purpose of the internet is to support all the cat pictures.

    • You are welcome. My only regret is that I was not able to create a template for the post that’s would actually get freshly pressed. (Though, apparently, putting all the templates together does generate the FP magic….)

  7. Hilarious! At times, your comments and responses are better than the article!! And that’s a compliment by the way…I’m already a fan of your writing. I’m the mother of three and, at times, would love to be a “father of none”. :)

    • Thank you for your compliment, and I shall also take it as a hint that I should put more effort into writing the articles :)
      I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the “three”. Unfortunately, the only change you could make from “the mother of three” is to “the mother of four” :)

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  9. Wonderful, may I copy and paste some of these? :-)

    How about this one (the desperation blog):

    “I am so depressed because no one visits my blog. I spend so much time and give so much of my heart in every post and no one notices me. Please click the follow button and tell your friends or it’s your fault if I jump off a bridge or join a monastery”

    • Yes, you can copy/past these posts, and your desperation template looks promising too. However, I don’t recommend following up on the jumping off a bridge/joining a monastery threat: if you do that and stop posting as a result, you will leave your existing followers without your posts, and they would also have to jump/join after you out of disappointment.

    • Thank you! Unfortunately, giving advice on how to be different is almost impossible. I cannot possibly recommend a proven method of being different: if someone has found a way to be different and you try to do the same, you just won’t be different :)

  10. oh my. im so not a proper blogger. i have definitely done #1, a vague post of #3 and that is it. is there a problem with me? love it, great work X

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    • A way to win a huge amount of money in a writing competition is if it’s a competition for writing the best-selling book of the year. Writing Nigerian scam letters can work, too. Other than that, I’m really dubious that writing competition can generate huge prizes, because it’s REALLY boring to watch such a competition, and very few will be willing to pay for the privilege of watching one.

  14. I’ve got a lot of catching-up to do. Many thanks for these great tips. Just one thing, do I need to tell people when I’m being funny or do you think they will get it all by themselves?

  15. Pingback: Feature Friday: List of X | Stuphblog

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